Heart of Ice
by Lucyferina
Summary: I opened my eyes and really looked at Jacob. He was not 'sort of beautiful', he was handsome. His heart was in his eyes, and by looking at him I knew how much he loved me and how much I had hurt him. One-shot, Bella/Jacob.


**AN:** one-shot, set in New Moon, Jacob is taking Bella home after she jumped from the cliff.

"_I know I can't take one more step towards you  
>Cause all that's waiting is regret<br>And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?  
>You lost the love<br>I loved the most."_

_From Jar of hearts a song by Christina Perri_

**Heart of ice.**

We were sitting in my truck; his heat was warming my body. Sometimes I wished it could warm my soul too. Jacob was holding me together as usual, and it would be so easy to just move my lips and kiss his skin.

_Be happy_, Edward's voice whispered and I stiffened. For the first time hearing his voice didn't make me feel better.

Anger overtook me instead, I had learned to live as a half a person because he had been the other half of me and when he left I lost myself. And now, even in this moment he was messing with me.

Why couldn't he let me go? He was the one who didn't want me, and now he was the one who was tormenting me, asking me not to forget. He didn't have any more rights on me.

I refused to be sitting here with my Jake, my sun, my only sliver of happiness and think of him ever again.

Jacob must have felt me stiffening and started to move away, but my hand on his arm stopped him. "Jacob, wait…" I took a big breath and closed my eyes.

Could I really try to move on? No, it wasn't that easy, but I would show to Edward that he couldn't hold my heart after crushing it. No more pain, just warmth.

Jacob's warmth.

I opened my eyes and really looked at Jacob. He was not 'sort of beautiful', he was handsome. His heart was in his eyes, and by looking at him I knew how much he loved me and how much I had hurt him. I didn't want to see that broken expression on his face ever again.

I raised my hand and caressed his silky cheek. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have jumped from the cliff, but I needed to do it because now I can take another jump that is even scarier… Jacob, I need you and I want you in my life. You know that my heart is broken into thousands of pieces, but what's left of it is yours. Kiss me."

Jacob looked at me with hope and fear, with love and wariness. "Bells, are you sure?"

I nodded because no words were coming out. I was really going to give Jacob an honest chance. I moved my lips to be near his and waited for him to make up his mind. I had made the first step, but I needed him to finish what I started.

His eyes darkened as he placed his hands on my face. "Bells, I love you so much. Let me love you the way you deserve."

I closed my eyes then, feeling a lone tear fall slowly down my cheek. Jacob's thumb took it away and after a moment his soft lips were on mine. Never before I felt this warmth, his lips were molding with mine. And then our tongues were fighting with each other. I never knew that kissing could be so engaging; I always dreamed that it would be so heart shattering, but I never experienced it before.

I opened my eyes and Jacob was looking at me searchingly. He was probably expecting me to push him away or to have a breakdown. Not this time, I smiled at him to reassure him and myself that I was okay. My smile was real and came from the depth of my battered soul. I would never let myself hear Edward's voice again; I would never be that weak or destructive again.

Jacob was here and he loved me.

"I don't want to go back home, can I stay with you?" I whispered and then I heard a car passing us. I didn't bother watching it, but it was going quite fast. People nowadays were always running towards or away from something.

"Sure, sure." Jacob said and took my hand in his. "Bells, does this mean that you're my…." He didn't finish the phrase.

I thought it over; I didn't want a label on our relationship because it encased too much to be simply dubbed as being together. "It means that I'm yours." I just told him.

I was rewarded with his most beautiful smile, my smile. It left me breathless, and butterflies swarmed in my stomach. I knew then that Jacob would always be there for me and I would finally be able to be there for him too.

A stray thought came, _what if Edward ever came back?_

I took Jacob's hand in mine and let his warmth calm me down. I could never go back to Edward because I was now a different woman. I was jaded, I had lost my innocence, and he had left a scar not just on my wrist but on my soul.

No more Edward for me, Jacob was the one I wanted. Maybe I wasn't able yet to tell Jacob that I loved him, but I would show him every day with my smile, my laughter, my being there that he meant everything to me.

Jacob wasn't going to be my consolation price, he was my choice.


End file.
